Christmas is...

Christmas is different for me every year.  Some years are really great and I am into the Christmas spirit and then other years I am scroogy and depressed because I miss my Dad.  This year is one of "those" years.  With so many changes happening in my life this year it reminds me what my dad is missing and how much I miss sharing my life with him.  Life goes on,  and I am not sad ALL the time but there are moments throughout the day that bring into sharp focus he's not here.  I warned Jesse this year was not a good one for me.  I thank the Lord everyday for an understanding husband.  HE took the kids to get our tree.  One that I reluctantly paid for out of our dinky Christmas budget.  HE fielded the kids when I got snippy about decorating the house and HE has been finding little extra things like a video email from Santa to make Christmas a little more magical.  I sit on the sidelines, trying not to be grumpy, and apologizing when I loose it.  I have come to accept that Christmases will be this way some years.  These are the years I have to dig deep, serve others, and forget myself and my petty problems.  I am blessed and grateful for what I have.  So, Dad, I hope you peek in on us this Christmas.  I miss you.